Once a Cheater, Always A Cheater and Other Affair Recovery Myths with Dr Kathy Nickerson

As a therapist, one of the most common things I hear after betrayal is, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It's a phrase that's been repeated so many times that it starts to feel like fact. But what if so much of what we've been taught about infidelity simply isn't true?

In this week's episode of The Gaslit Truth Podcast, I sat down with psychologist and affair recovery expert Dr. Kathy Nickerson to dig into the research instead of the rhetoric. Her newly published study of 5,918 participants challenges some of the biggest assumptions about affairs. Most affairs lasted six months or less, many people reported feeling regret even while the affair was happening, and the majority said they had only one affair.

That doesn't excuse betrayal. Not even close. But it does remind us that people and relationships are often far more complex than the internet would have us believe.

We also talk about the myths that keep people stuck: that cheaters never feel remorse, that they're all narcissists, or that cheating automatically means there was never real love. The truth is far more nuanced, and understanding that nuance can be the very thing that helps someone begin to heal.

One of the most important things we talk about is learning to stop taking responsibility for choices that were never yours to own. Your anxiety, depression, or personal struggles didn't cause someone else to betray you. We also have an honest conversation about betrayal trauma because if you've lived through it, you know it impacts every part of your world. It can make you question your reality, your memories, your worth, and even your own instincts.

If you've ever wondered whether the story you've been told about infidelity is actually true, this conversation might change the way you see it. Subscribe to The Gaslit Truth Podcast NOW on YouTube and listen to the full episode.